It’s that time of the year. The time when every organization in the world (and the ones that run the world) ask you for money. On account of trying to run the world, the UN’s pleas for money get a higher profile in the former of major media stories.
The United Nations plans to reduce by half the amount of money it requests from donor countries in 2026 to help people affected by war and natural disasters, a consequence of the drastic cuts by the United States and European governments to their foreign aid budgets.
Tom Fletcher, the United Nations under secretary general for humanitarian affairs, told reporters that after “excruciating life-and-death choices,” the priority for its 2026 fund-raising appeal, which started on Monday, is to raise $23 billion to deliver aid to 87 million people, about half the $47 billion that it requested in 2025.
“This is a heartbreaking report to share. There is pain on every page,” Mr. Fletcher said of the appeal. “We are overstretched, underfunded and under attack.”
“I would be lying if I said this moment isn’t daunting,” Mr. Fletcher said. “It feels like we’re jumping off a cliff, not knowing whether anyone will catch us.”
The official UN release has even more hilarious Tom Fletcher quotes.
“This appeal sets out where we need to focus our collective energy first: life by life,” said UN humanitarian chief Tom Fletcher.
“Only 20 per cent of our appeals are supported. And we drive the ambulance towards the fire on your behalf,” he said.
“But we are also now being asked to put the fire out. And there is not enough water in the tank. And we are being shot at.”
Who exactly is “we”?
Tom Fletcher is a British diplomat who has a position at Oxford. His, presumably, six figure salary notwithstanding, no one is shooting at Oxford or driving ambulances there.
And Tom, how does one put this politely, lies. Like a dog.
“There are 14,000 babies that will die in the next 48 hours unless we can reach them,” Tom Fletcher claimed earlier this year.
Then a minor correction was issued.
The statement, aired on BBC Radio 4’s Today programme and repeated across national media and in Parliament, was later clarified by the BBC as a misrepresentation of a humanitarian report projecting malnutrition cases in children aged six month to five years over a 12-month period.
Two days. A year. What’s about to happen. A projection. Who can tell the difference? Not the UN.
But according to Fletcher now, he’s driving the ambulance and being shot at and you need to give him $23 billion now or everyone dies.
Mr. Fletcher recalled that the 2025 appeal received only $12 billion – the lowest funding in a decade. As a result, humanitarians reached 25 million less people than during the previous year.
The consequences were immediate, including rising hunger and strained health systems – “even as famines hit parts of Sudan and Gaza,” he said at a press briefing prior to this year’s launch.
“Programmes to protect women and girls were slashed, hundreds of aid organizations shut. And over 380 aid workers were killed – the highest on record.”
380 aid workers were killed… because you only gave the UN $12 billion. If you don’t double the money, more aid workers will die!
Don’t ask questions about the connection between the two! 50 billion babies are about to die in the next 3 seconds! Tom’s got mates on the line and they’ve got a hot tip on a horse in Dubai. Prince Ngube only needs 50 trillion yen to get back into power. Send crypto to feed him!
Please send all the money to the UN. Care of Tom Fletcher. Send it now because the suffering is endless at UN HQ.
More than 150 health facilities in Somalia were closed, and in Afghanistan, which is also experiencing rising malnutrition, the U.N. says it will be able to support only about a million people through the harsh winter months this year, compared with more than five million in 2024.
How about we send zero money to Afghanistan, Somalia and Tom Fletcher. Even if a quadrillion babies will die in the next nanosecond.
Funding the UN just helps the UN. No one else.
