I should have known something was wrong. The signs had been there for a long time.
After Vietnam, it was evident to others, but not to me. During my many months in the hospital, it went unnoticed; but it was there nonetheless. We Marines can be stubborn at times, don’t ya know.
If you ignore symptoms for too long, it can be fatal. Over the next four and a half years, the symptoms grew worse. It was obvious to others, especially my wife, but I was in denial.
When it finally happened, it was an emotional explosion: my heart was infected with the disease of hate! It had come to a crisis point and could no longer be denied.
I hated the communist soldiers who had killed my friends in Vietnam. I hated the person who murdered my younger brother and got away with it. I hated the verbal abuse I experienced growing up, always being told I’d be a failure.
There it was, plain and simple. I read the diagnosis and it hit my heart like a sledgehammer:
“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; I, the Lord search the heart, I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)
This diagnosis was fatal, but there was a cure — a desperate plea to the Great Physician to save my soul and give me a brand-new heart. The operation was successful and I became a “new creation” in Christ.
There were many tests in the years to come, but if I had any doubts, I knew I had changed when I met a former North Vietnamese Colonel in Vietnam and told him I loved him and that Jesus loved him. I could never have done that in my own strength.
I recently returned from Ukraine, spending time with leaders of drug rehabilitation centers under the umbrella of Global Teen Challenge. These were “my people,” even though we had never met; they had the same DNA that Shirley and I had working with Teen Challenge for over 40 years. My real desire, though, had been to work with Ukrainian soldiers struggling with post-traumatic stress. They, too, had the same undiagnosed heart condition from which I had suffered.
The assault on Ukraine has been brutal, even barbaric. Homes, hospitals, and schools have been bombed to inflict as much pain and suffering as possible upon the Ukrainian people to cause them to lose hope. While we don’t hear much about it in the news anymore, the reality is that the Ukrainian people have fought fiercely and bravely to defend their nation. But it has cost them more than you know.
As a result of its brutal tactics, Russia has earned the fierce hatred of the Ukrainian people. It’s understandable, but they, too, have a fatal heart condition. I met former soldiers who were physically tortured. They saw Russian soldiers brutally murder captured prisoners. The hatred is palpable!
But I wanted to offer them another way to deal with the emotional pain they were feeling and their burning hatred for the Russians. I shared about radical forgiveness. Jesus forgave me, so now I can freely forgive others.
I didn’t forgive the communist Colonel in Vietnam because he asked for it or because he deserved it, just as I didn’t deserve God’s mercy. I received His forgiveness because God is good and wants to forgive us. Though there is still much suffering ahead, the response to those I met in Ukraine was encouraging.
I pray I will have the opportunity to take this message of hope and healing back to Ukraine in God’s perfect timing.
Something to pray about!
Semper Fidelis
