There comes a time in every man’s life in which he’s had that experience. After enjoying a well-cooked meal from his significant other or female relative, he journeys to the local dishwasher to dispense his used dishware only to find a catastrophe awaiting him.
Plates and bowls scattered across the wheeled racks at random. Silverware senselessly jammed into one or two of the many available basket pockets. The entire ensemble is so wretched that it resembles some trashy piece of modern abstract art.
But what’s a man to do? How is he supposed to get the woman in his life to stop loading the dishwasher like a cracked-out squirrel storing away nuts for the winter?
Fear not, for The Federalist is here to help with a step-by-step guide on how to properly manage a dishwasher and end this kitchen nightmare once and for all.
To start with, ladies, it’s important to understand which items go where in this sophisticated piece of technology.
The top rack should be reserved for bowls, cups, miscellaneous containers, and should you have room (or the need), long cooking utensils. These items should be placed in an upside-down position between the rack lines as to allow for their insides to receive an effective cleansing and permit the water to drain properly post-wash (more on this later).
On the bottom rack should be your (dishwasher-safe) plates, pots, pans, large bowls, and silverware.
Much like the top, you’ll want all pots, pans, and large bowls angled downward to allow for the soap and water to clean out their insides and proper drainage. Plates should be placed facing inward and downward between the designated slots to expose their dirtied surfaces to spray jets and similarly allow for a good cleaning.
Meanwhile, all silverware goes in the specified silverware basket. I’ve often found that the strategy that produces the best results is to have the head of the cutlery facing upwards, with utensils evenly spaced out across the many available baskets. (The exception to the former rule. of course, are knives, which should be placed blade-down to avoid cutting yourself on post-wash retrieval.)
Ladies, with all of this being said, please, please, please do not try to jam as many dishes and silverware into the dishwasher all at once. There will be opportunities for additional loads. But let’s not put yourself in a situation in which you have to handwash items that didn’t get the full cleaning they needed because you wanted to treat the dishwasher like your bedroom closet.
Which now brings us to the post-wash process.
Taking out the clean dishes may seem as simple as randomly pulling a new sweater off the rack at your favorite Black Friday sale. But this is not the case.
Much like putting items into the dishwasher, there is an art to taking them out.
First, and most importantly, start with the bottom rack.
The last thing you want to do is to begin taking dishes off the top rack only to then have any leftover water spill onto the dishes on the bottom. Such a scenario would then require you to expend extra energy drying these now-drenched dishes, which creates unnecessary work.
Only after you’ve carefully removed the entire bottom rack (including the basket of silverware) do you then fully clear out the top.
As just alluded to, you’ll want to make sure that any excess water remaining trapped in bowls or on properly racked cups is dumped in the sink and/or dried off with a towel. After such a process is complete, these items can then be placed into your cabinets along with the rest of your dishware.
Simple. As. That.
Like with any activity, loading (and unloading) the dishwasher is a skill that takes time to harness. But with enough patience and persistence, ladies, you too, can become the dishwashing wiz your husband needs you to be.
Shawn Fleetwood is a staff writer for The Federalist and a graduate of the University of Mary Washington. He is a co-recipient of the 2025 Dao Prize for Excellence in Investigative Journalism. His work has been featured in numerous outlets, including RealClearPolitics, RealClearHealth, and Conservative Review. Follow him on Twitter @ShawnFleetwood
