The Pew Research Center published a new report last week on the cohort affectionately known as “DINKs,” which stands for “dual income, no kids.” Pew’s analysis defined DINKs as having at least one spouse in their 30s or 40s, two incomes, and no children.
DINKs account for 12% of married couples in the United States, a percentage that has increased from 8% over the past decade. Most DINK couples are college-educated, work full-time, and have higher household incomes than dual-income couples with children.
These findings aren’t surprising, considering how societal norms around marriage and family are shifting. As someone who is childless, my goal in drawing attention to this is not to shame people who don’t have children. My concern stems from the fact that a large percentage of adults who don’t have children wanted to have them at one point in their lives. The pertinent question that follows is, what changed?
Many couples don’t believe they can afford to start a family. As the cost of living continues to balloon, this affects a couple’s ability to raise children comfortably. For those contemplating whether to have children, the mere cost of child care, which is an average of $15,600 per year, provokes questions of whether it is even feasible.
From what I can tell, the reasons why DINK couples have higher household incomes than non-DINK couples are twofold. In a household without children, not only do both spouses have more time available to focus on work (and thereby, bring in more income), but they also have no expenses associated with child-rearing or child care.
As a point of comparison, among married couples who do have children, the number of dual-income couples has also increased while the number of single-income couples has decreased. It seems fewer families can get by relying on one parent as the breadwinner.
Some critics will argue that the cost of raising a child (an average of $29,419 per year in the U.S.) is worth it, and previous generations managed to do it despite undergoing financial hardships and having fewer conveniences at their fingertips (such as being able to have groceries or disposable diapers shipped to one’s front door within hours).
While this may be true, other factors are at play. For example, members of Generation Z (who are roughly aged 13 to 30) tend to reach adult milestones, such as moving out of their parents’ home and getting a paying job, later in life than previous generations.
As these necessary stepping stones for adulthood and parenthood are delayed, so too is the eventual possibility of having children. Both sexes, especially women, are tethered to a biological window that makes pregnancy and delivering a healthy baby less likely with advanced age.
It’s important to note also that of DINKs surveyed by Pew, we don’t know how many are childless due to choice versus circumstances outside of their control, such as infertility. My guess would be that, although rates of infertility are rising, society’s promotion of voluntary childlessness as trendy is influencing some couples’ decisions.
On social media, DINKs post content celebrating how they’re spending their disposable income, including lush vacations, expensive restaurants, and lavish gifts for their pets. Today, individuals are encouraged to seek personal fulfillment through immediate gratification and flashy materialism.
In addition to our culture’s prioritization of consumerism, there is a diminishing respect for marriage and relationships altogether. Case in point, a recent article provoked much social commentary after posing the question, “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?”
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The piece described how some women are going to great lengths to define themselves beyond being in a relationship. These women are reluctant to post about their boyfriends on social media, preferring instead to promote an image of singlehood, something that is cool and has become a “coveted status.”
While it’s great that young women are taking pride in their independence and autonomy, I wonder how many imbibing this way of thinking are secretly hoping to become wives and mothers one day. (Surely more do than would admit it.) And do they realize they are forfeiting this dream by castigating relationships — and men more generally — as undesirable?
Dr. Debra Soh is a sex neuroscientist and the author of The End of Gender. Follow her @DrDebraSoh and visit DrDebraSoh.com.
