Marriage is the essential building block of culture. In the first installment, I discussed the cultural struggles that keep men and women at odds. What’s downstream of culture? Politics. What drives culture? Economics. These two larger, more abstract entities are adding to the divide, discouraging men and women from settling down and getting married.
Young men and young women are divided politically. While young men trend conservative, young women trend liberal. Subconsciously, women by and large want manly men who can accomplish things, take responsibility, and treat them honorably by doing basic things like opening the car door or paying for dinner. This doesn’t really fit the stereotype of a whiny, weak, liberal soy boy. This type of man may be more in tune with a liberal woman’s feelings, but he is also more likely to be into himself or other guys.
Women don’t really like or want that at the end of the day. Yet because morality is being equated with the political tribe you fit in, liberal women may think you’re evil if you vote conservative.
Additionally, many liberal women are going out of their way to signal their politics through their appearance. Many have septum rings, brightly colored hair, and don’t take very good care of themselves. Their appearance will ward off even some liberal men.
Not all liberal women go to this extreme, of course; some do take care of themselves and look normal. However, conservative men probably don’t want to date a woman who would spend the entire time berating them for their choices and calling them toxic.
Politics can be overcome, however. Young women tend to become more conservative after they get married and have children. Why? Because they have something they want to conserve. In other words, politics isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker if both parties have the same goals — i.e., a committed relationship that culminates in marriage and possibly kids.
What becomes a bigger issue is economics. The marketplace today is not set up to accommodate young married couples and their families. Young men have been told that they need to have everything figured out financially before they even think about dating and marriage. But by the time they wake up and realize this was a lie, they’re likely already in their 30s, and the dating pool comprises women with whom they don’t necessarily want to settle down.
“Right now, there’s this terrible disincentive for self-improvement and for marriage,” writes Wall Street Journal columnist Jason L. Riley. For men, this means putting off the maturing that occurs when you get married and start a family. For women, it means deferring companionship and children, which is contributing to the mental health crisis, particularly for those female liberals who are more likely to chase after that “girl boss” dream before ultimately realizing they want to settle down and have kids.
Women have been convinced that the time to make all their money is in their 20s. Here’s the hard truth: Female fertility begins dropping by age 30. If a young woman wants to have children and start a family, it’s better to start in her 20s. Waiting to have kids has resulted in a fertility crisis, driving older couples to the IVF industry for solutions.
Both men and women may score a good job and steady income right out of college, but adulthood is still immensely expensive. Owning a home is expensive. Owning a car is expensive. Paying off student loans is expensive. Paying for health insurance is expensive. Childrearing is expensive. Many couples have to make ends meet via two incomes. But guess what? That adds to the expense. If mom is working, who’s watching the kids? Now they’ve got to pay for childcare on top of everything else.
Here, it should be pointed out that the lack of invested, intact, and contributing grandparents is adding to the pressure. “Kids lack support from married grandparents,” notes City Journal contributing editor Robert Henderson. “Biological anthropologist Richard Bribiescas has pointed out that grandmothers played a crucial evolutionary role in human societies by helping care for their grandchildren, allowing their daughters to have more children. Even in recent decades, grandmothers could ease the childcare burden because their husbands handled other responsibilities. Today, many Baby Boomer and Gen X women who had children outside of marriage are grandmothers without partners. Without that extra support, they’re less able to help their daughters raise kids.”
Economically, it’s more challenging than ever for young people. However, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Like with prior generations, young couples must make sacrifices to create and then support their families.
While tweaking the political climate and adjusting the economics can help encourage young people, ultimately, it’s the culture that needs a metamorphosis. Every generation needs to do its part to help change the course. What will bring more happiness and stability? Getting married young and starting a family. That’s the point at which the birth rate will start to reverse. That’s where the rifts dividing men and women will start to heal.
