NBC’s James Austin Johnson and Colin Jost reprised their President Donald Trump and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth roles on Saturday Night Live for some Iran-related hot takes that were disguised as satire. According to Johnson, the reason why gas prices are increasing is because of a domino effect that started with the Epstein files while Jost suggested Hegseth is bombing Iranian schools while drunk.
The cold open began with a family at a gas station where the father, played by Mikey Day, declared, “If anyone has to use the bathroom, do it now. We’ve got another two hours before we get to grandma’s. I’m just going to fill up the tank.”
With overly dramatic music now playing, Ashley Padilla, who was playing the mother, got equally dramatic, “Fill up? Not all the way though, right?”
SNL’s James Austin Johnson’s Donald Trump character claims the reason why gas prices are going up is “The Epstein files! Kidding. But possibly not. It’s called butterfly effect, right? Epstein was first domino. Epstein, bing bing, bong bong, bing bing, bong bong, war!”
Meanwhile… pic.twitter.com/qt6qkKcCK3
— Alex Christy (@alexchristy17) March 17, 2026
As the drama played out, Padilla added that gas cost “$5 a gallon,” but as of the publishing of this article, the average cost of gas is $3.79 a gallon. Nevertheless, Padilla’s character added “Kids, we’re going to have to leave one of you behind.”
That led Marcello Hernandez to ask, “Dad, why does gas cost so much?”
That’s when Johnson interrupted proceedings to declare, “The Epstein files! Kidding. But possibly not. It’s called butterfly effect, right? Epstein was first domino. Epstein, bing bing, bong bong, bing bing, bong bong, war! Anyway, hi, it’s me, Donald Trump. You might remember me from such campaign promises as lower gas prices and no more wars. Psych! We love to make promises because a promise is just a lie that hasn’t happened yet.”
Eventually, Jost joined the skit, and he tried without much success to satirize Hegseth’s recent condemnations of how the media has covered the war, “The president called me here today to give you news on the war, okay, so listen up. The news is, we won. #Winning. So, you can stop asking me all about it, okay? Don’t even worry about it. Fuggetaboudit. The real problem is, all you gaybies—gay babies, copyright—all you gaybies in the media are completely unpatriotic. Okay. They’re using what I do and say to make me look like a fool.”
He also claimed, “You know, the press says we bombed a school? I just blame it on the a-a-a-ayatollah. And also on alcohol. All you dweebs stop saying the Strait of Hormuz is closed. It’s wide open. Sure, there’s a bunch of land mines floating in the water. Water mines, I guess. But if you’re an oil tanker and you’re driving it and you see one of the mines, just do what I used to do at every DUI checkpoint, close your eyes and gun it.”
First of all, Hegseth isn’t bombing anything himself, drunk or otherwise. The school was almost certainly the result of outdated intelligence, and it isn’t Hegseth’s responsibility to micromanage target selection like he’s Robert McNamara or Lyndon Johnson. Finally, securing the strait takes time, and the fact that something wasn’t achieved in five minutes does not mean it is a failure. Initial targets were naturally concerned with air defenses, ballistic missiles, and drones. The navy isn’t going to rush a bunch of ships into the strait just because SNL doesn’t know anything about modern naval warfare.
Here is a transcript for the March 14 show:
NBC Saturday Night Live
3/14/2026
11:30 PM ET
MIKEY DAY: Okay, gang. If anyone has to use the bathroom, do it now. We’ve got another two hours before we get to grandma’s. I’m just going to fill up the tank.
ASHLEY PADILLA: Fill up? Not all the way though, right?
DAY: We have to.
PADILLA: But it’s $5 a gallon.
DAY: I said we have to!
PADILLA: Kids, we’re going to have to leave one of you behind.
SARAH SHERMAN: What? Why?
PADILLA: Gas prices, darling.
MARCELLO HERNANDEZ: Dad, why does gas cost so much?
JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON/DONALD TRUMP: The Epstein files! Kidding. But possibly not. It’s called butterfly effect, right? Epstein was first domino. Epstein, bing bing, bong bong, bing bing, bong bong, war! Anyway, hi, it’s me, Donald Trump. You might remember me from such campaign promises as lower gas prices and no more wars. Psych! We love to make promises because a promise is just a lie that hasn’t happened yet.
…
COLIN JOST/PETE HEGSETH: The president called me here today to give you news on the war, okay, so listen up. The news is, we won. #Winning. So, you can stop asking me all about it, okay? Don’t even worry about it. Fuggetaboudit. The real problem is, all you gaybies—gay babies, copyright—all you gaybies in the media are completely unpatriotic. Okay. They’re using what I do and say to make me look like a fool.
JOHNSON: Been there. I’ve been there before, partner.
HEGSETH: You know, I’ve been there a lot. You know, the press says we bombed a school? I just blame it on the a-a-a-ayatollah. And also on alcohol. All you dweebs stop saying the Strait of Hormuz is closed. It’s wide open. Sure, there’s a bunch of land mines floating in the water. Water mines, I guess. But if you’re an oil tanker and you’re driving it and you see one of the mines, just do what I used to do at every DUI checkpoint, close your eyes and gun it.
