Team USA Humiliates Canada In Sled Hockey, World Baseball Matchups

It’s another Monday that ends in “y,” which means that American athletes just spent the past weekend humiliating Canada in sports.

The U.S. sled hockey team defeated their maple syrup-loving neighbors to the north on Sunday to win its fifth consecutive gold medal at the Winter Paralympics. The team’s victory came weeks after the U.S. men and women’s hockey teams beat their Canadian counterparts in their respective championships.

The final score of Sunday’s game was 6-2, with Team USA’s Jack Wallace scoring a hat trick to give the Americans the edge. When combined with the gold-medal wins from the men’s and women’s hockey teams, the sled team’s victory makes America “the first nation to sweep the hockey tournaments at the Olympics and Paralympics,” according to ESPN.

“This team is so special. We love each other,” Wallace said in a post-game interview. “This team grinded it out, a gritty f—ing game. It was unbelievable. I love these guys so much.”

Team USA’s Josh Pauls also offered much praise for his team’s performance. Speaking about the men’s and women’s hockey teams winning their championships, the American captain noted, “I’m glad we got it done because I think there’s a little bit more pressure with the men and women getting the golds too.”

“But I’m happy we could do it for USA hockey and I think it really just shows like how much they … invest in the grassroots programs because we have so many young players coming up and playing pivotal roles on our teams,” Pauls said.

Team USA “also broke the U.S. record for most goals scored in a single Paralympic tournament, totaling 46 across five games,” according to NBC.

Sunday’s matchup was hardly the only loss the Canadians endured at the hands of Americans this past weekend.

USA Baseball defeated Canada (5-3) on Friday in the quarterfinals of the 2026 World Baseball Classic.

The Americans garnered a comfortable 5-0 lead heading into the bottom of the 6th inning thanks to a series of RBIs and an error by Team Canada. The Canadians made things interesting in the bottom of the 6th, however, when designated hitter Tyler Black and catcher Bo Naylor hit an RBI and a two-run homer, respectively, to close the gap to 5-3.

That score would remain unchanged throughout the rest of the game.

Friday’s victory came after Team USA received a surprise pre-game speech from Navy SEAL Robert O’Neill, who was part of the 2011 mission to kill Islamic terrorist Osama bin Laden. Unsurprisingly, leftists threw a temper tantrum about O’Neill’s pep talk.