At a wedding I recently attended with my wife and children, we arrived on site only to discover that our family’s youngest member had soiled diaper, outfit, carseat, and all. In that tense moment with the wedding set to start in minutes, I took time to discuss the situation with the baby and review the finer points of his recovery from becoming sans ordure. Given the inconvenience and the anatomical parts involved, was this an acceptable time for a diaper change? Should it begin immediately, or did he need a moment to gather himself? The blue replacement outfit would be a good fit, yes? And would we put the socks and shoes back on or simply do without?
Actually, that didn’t happen. Little buddy was treated to the full-service change without discussion and at no additional charge. As he should have been. But apparently the experts think differently, which comes as no surprise.
To be fair, the experts in question — two academics from Deakin University in Australia — do allow for exceptions to their advice in cases of “an urgent pooplosion.” But in other cases, they recommend the following:
At the start of a nappy change, ensure your child knows what is happening. Get down to their level and say, “you need a nappy change” and then pause so they can take this in.
Then you can say, “do you want to walk/crawl with me to the change table, or would you like me to carry you?”
Observe their facial expressions and body language to check if they understand what is happening. Aim to be positive, gentle and responsive to your child.
Because “nappy changes” are a “time to help children learn about consent and how their bodies work.” Now, parents do need to teach their children about proper boundaries, especially in a world where hundreds of thousands of kids are abused every year and child sexual abuse material (CSAM) is proliferating online at an obscene rate. But just because parents should teach their children to say no to inappropriate touch doesn’t mean the changing table should become the negotiation table, or that “everyone has the right to say what happens to their body” is the right lesson for kids who still need to be potty trained.
Furthermore, parents, and fathers in particular, should function as the first line of defense against predators who would abuse their children. Preventing situations in which children (especially very young children) are in danger of abuse is far more effective than teaching a 2-year-old to say no to the abuser who isn’t asking for permission. They’re also duty-bound to protect their kids from teachers, relatives, and internet randos who would groom them in gender ideology. Because children certainly don’t have “the right to say what happens to their body” when it comes to marring or amputating their male or female features.
In a larger sense, experts like these Aussies miss the fact that effective parenting is not a collaborative effort in which moms and dads give gentle guidance and suggestions while offering the child an opportunity to haggle over each (or even many) of the myriad details of daily life. I’m currently the proud father of a toddler who has a habit of turning everything into a negotiation. She has firm convictions on food, clothing, travel, bedtimes, and extracurricular activities. She would have just as strong an opinion on world affairs, U.S. foreign policy, Israel, and the Epstein files if these were terms that conveyed any meaning to her.
But she is prepared neither to make decisions about day-to-day activities nor to wield the specific anatomical terms the experts suggest I teach her. As a parent, my job is not to “nurture [her] independence” and “reduce power struggles,” but to “bring [her] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” giving her the discipline she needs until she is capable of self-discipline.
So, no, we won’t be negotiating diaper changes anytime soon.
Joshua Monnington is an assistant editor at The Federalist. He was previously an editor at Regnery Publishing and is a graduate of Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.
